Dealing with Clair Read online

MIKE. In their position they’d be even more likely to.

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  Don’t you see? Even more likely to. Because, alright, we may have scruples about this, but it doesn’t mean that they have. Do we know them? We don’t even know who they are. And it seems absurd to put ourselves under some kind of obligation to a couple of complete strangers.

  ,

  I mean I’ll be frank, I get the impression Clair finds all this rather amusing.

  LIZ. You mean she’s laughing at us?

  ,

  MIKE. Well can you blame her? Because I think we’re tending to blow this up into some kind of moral issue when there isn’t in fact a moral issue here at all.

  Doorbell. They drop their voices.

  LIZ. Well we’ve never said it’s a moral issue.

  MIKE. Well that’s right. (Moves off.)

  LIZ. The stain.

  MIKE. What?

  LIZ. Give me time to cover the stain.

  MIKE goes. LIZ attempts to cover the stain.

  MIKE returns with JAMES.

  MIKE. And this is my wife.

  JAMES. Hello.

  LIZ. Hello. I’m Liz.

  JAMES. I’m late. I do apologise.

  They shake hands. A slight pause.

  LIZ. Well… Look…

  MIKE. Please…

  LIZ. Just go wherever you like.

  JAMES. I’d quite like to take another look upstairs if I may.

  LIZ. Well fine, that would be fine.

  MIKE. Is Gina asleep?

  LIZ. Yes, there’s a baby asleep up there.

  JAMES. I shan’t make a sound.

  LIZ. Where’s Anna?

  MIKE. Yes, there’s our Italian girl. Well isn’t she in her room?

  JAMES. Well in that case I’ll…

  LIZ. No no. You don’t need to worry. Go straight in.

  MIKE (laughs). She’s getting used to it.

  JAMES. Which room is that?

  LIZ. Well we think of it as the guest room, don’t we Mike.

  MIKE. Of course it’s internally lit.

  JAMES. Yes, there’s no window in there, is there.

  MIKE. Not a window as such, but it’s actually quite a good size.

  LIZ. Anna rather likes the privacy.

  JAMES. Yes, but I was thinking of air.

  LIZ. Oh, she has plenty of air, doesn’t she Mike.

  MIKE. Air is not a problem.

  LIZ (faint laugh). She certainly seems to breathe.

  MIKE. She definitely breathes. She is constantly in fact…

  LIZ. Breathing.

  MIKE. Breathing.

  ,

  JAMES. Well anyway I’ll knock.

  JAMES goes out.

  LIZ (sotto voce). I thought he was bringing his wife.

  ,

  MIKE (sotto voce). I’d better unlock the back door. (Moves off.)

  LIZ. Mike.

  MIKE. He’ll want to see the garden.

  He goes.

  LIZ alone. Time passes. She goes over to the dark window.

  JAMES enters.

  JAMES. Isn’t she lovely. How old is she?

  LIZ. Seventeen.

  JAMES. I mean your little girl.

  LIZ (faint laugh). She’s six months.

  JAMES. Six months. Isn’t that lovely. Do you know I think she has your eyes.

  LIZ. We were expecting your wife.

  JAMES. She trusts my judgement.

  LIZ. Isn’t she curious?

  JAMES. No.

  Both faint laugh.

  There’s a good atmosphere here isn’t there. It’s very calm and quiet. I was saying to Clair it reminds me of driving off the road. I mean one of those gravel tracks that takes you into a forest. The sound of the crushed gravel is quite shocking. But when you finally stop between the trees and turn off the engine, it immediately strikes you. The silence. And as you walk away from the gravel you make no sound at all on the decaying needles. Do you know the Pyrenees at all, the French Pyrenees?

  LIZ. What, do you travel on business?

  JAMES. I travel a lot on business.

  LIZ. Which is?

  JAMES. Pictures. I deal in pictures.

  LIZ. Oh. Is that interesting?

  JAMES. Well I like it.

  ,

  LIZ. Yes, we like France, but it’s getting so expensive.

  JAMES. I know. France is expensive. I have a little house there. It’s hardly much bigger than this actually. But I’ve had the floors replaced and it’s costing me a fortune. Most of the year I’m not even there.

  LIZ. Would you like to see the garden?

  JAMES. Well I don’t think I need to, do you Liz. It is Liz, isn’t it. Well I don’t think I need to, Liz.

  LIZ. I suppose it’s dark.

  JAMES. Well exactly.

  MIKE appears in the doorway.

  There’s a certain kind of man who would exploit this kind of situation, isn’t there.

  MIKE. Does he want to see the garden?

  LIZ. I think it’s too dark.

  MIKE. I’m afraid it faces north.

  JAMES. You do know that sill is rotten?

  MIKE. No, which one is that?

  JAMES. The one in here. I was saying to Clair: you could get your finger in there up to the knuckle. (Laughs.) She seemed quite confident that you would have it repaired.

  LIZ. Well… (She looks at MIKE.)

  MIKE. Well yes, if…

  JAMES. Well that’s settled. Good.

  ,

  Are you taking the carpets? I noticed something’s been spilled on this one. What is it? Wine?

  MIKE. Turmeric, it’s turmeric.

  JAMES. What’s that?

  LIZ. It’s a spice, a colouring.

  JAMES. Turmeric. So are you taking them?

  MIKE. They’d be negotiable.

  JAMES. Only if you are it will save me the bother you see of ripping them out.

  LIZ. The thing is, is Clair has explained our position, hasn’t she.

  JAMES. That’s right. She says you’re prepared to ditch your buyer for a cash sale.

  MIKE. Well not exactly ditch…

  JAMES. No? Well then we must be at cross purposes, because she told me you would.

  LIZ. No, yes, that’s right, we probably will.

  JAMES. You probably will.

  LIZ. Well we almost certainly will, won’t we Mike, only we still have qualms.

  JAMES. Have I misunderstood?

  MIKE. What Liz means is it’s more a matter of how we proceed.

  LIZ. That’s right.

  JAMES. But if you still have qualms…

  MIKE. Yes, about how to proceed.

  JAMES. Well isn’t that obvious?

  MIKE. Well not entirely…

  JAMES. I mean if you simply instruct Clair…

  LIZ. Well obviously it would be through Clair…

  JAMES. Because I need to be clear in my own mind. You either ditch them or you don’t.

  MIKE. Right.

  All faint laugh.

  Well I think we will, don’t you.

  LIZ. The thing is, is the Harraps are in Shropshire.

  MIKE. I think we’d probably feel differently, wouldn’t we, if…

  LIZ. And of course there’s a problem with her spine.

  MIKE. Apparently she has a crumbly spine.

  JAMES. A what?

  MIKE. A crumbly spine.

  JAMES. A crumbly spine.

  Led by JAMES, all three let themselves go with hearty laughter.

  (Wiping his eyes.) So they’re quite old.

  LIZ. No, they’re like us apparently.

  ,

  JAMES. Listen, I like what I’ve seen very much.

  MIKE. Well obviously we’ll…

  JAMES. That’s right, I think the next thing I should do is speak again to Clair. I must say I think we’re very lucky to be dealing with Clair. Because I have a feeling she’s honest.

  MIKE. That’s right. A lot of them aren’t.

  JAMES. A lot o
f them are crooks, let’s face it.

  LIZ. I just wish she wasn’t quite so cold.

  MIKE. What? Clair?

  LIZ. Yes. I find her cold. Cold and rather impenetrable.

  MIKE (on impenetrable). I wouldn’t’ve called her cold.

  JAMES. She seems perfectly human.

  MIKE. Well that’s right. Because a lot of them aren’t.

  JAMES. Some of those young men…

  MIKE and JAMES laugh.

  LIZ. I just think you could never get to know somebody like that.

  JAMES. But is it really necessary to know people in that way? Because what you call cold, isn’t that just a way of dealing with strangers. Because in a city you spend so much time dealing, don’t you, with strangers. And I’m not sure what would be achieved by letting them all see into your heart. Personally I find that kind of intimacy rather stifling. No, I’d much rather feel I can walk right past someone I’ve known for years without the least obligation to acknowledge them. I like to know that our clothes can touch for a moment on the crowded pavement, but our eyes, even if they meet, which is unlikely, our eyes agree to say nothing. And why should we speak? (Makes to go.) No, I wouldn’t’ve called her cold.

  LIZ. So you’ll talk to Clair.

  JAMES. I’ll talk to her in the morning.

  MIKE. She has put you in the picture about the price.

  JAMES. Seven hundred and fifty, is that right?

  MIKE. Yes, as a rough guide.

  JAMES. I’m sorry?

  MIKE. Well Clair’s probably told you that we’re, well looking for a slightly better figure.

  JAMES. No, she didn’t mention that.

  MIKE. Because…

  LIZ. Because Clair feels, I think she feels we’ve been a bit, well cautious with the price quite frankly.

  JAMES. Cautious.

  LIZ. Yes.

  JAMES. No. No she didn’t tell me that.

  ,

  Well look, I’ll talk to her in the morning.

  MIKE (faint laugh). It’s a hateful business, isn’t it.

  JAMES. I know, I know. Goodbye.

  LIZ. Goodnight.

  MIKE shows JAMES out. The baby is crying.

  Anna. (Louder.) Anna, she’s awake. Anna, Gina’s awake.

  A moment passes. The crying stops, MIKE returns.

  MIKE. What is it?

  LIZ. She’s awake.

  MIKE. Anna will go.

  LIZ. Poor Anna.

  Both laugh. They embrace.

  What do you think?

  MIKE. Well what do you think?

  LIZ. Do I think he’s genuine?

  MIKE. Yes.

  LIZ. Well I don’t see why not.

  MIKE. No I don’t see why not either.

  LIZ. But he was surprised about the price.

  MIKE. No, he was bluffing.

  LIZ. Yes, I thought he was bluffing.

  ,

  He deals in pictures.

  MIKE. What, you had a chat?

  LIZ. I actually think he’s rather charming.

  MIKE. What?

  LIZ. Mr James.

  ,

  MIKE. Is he? (Moves away.)

  ,

  What sort of pictures?

  LIZ (faint laugh). I’ve no idea.

  Blackout.

  6

  Morning. ASHLEY in white overalls, back turned, is examining the ceiling.

  ANNA appears in the hall doorway and stops.

  Throughout this scene ASHLEY shows no sexual interest in ANNA.

  ANNA. Sorry.

  ASHLEY. No, it’s okay. You can come through.

  ANNA. I want to go to the kitchen.

  ASHLEY. Sure. Go ahead.

  ANNA goes out. ASHLEY spreads a dust sheet. ANNA returns.

  You lost?

  ANNA. Lost?

  ASHLEY. You look lost.

  ANNA. No. I’m not lost. I’m looking for matches.

  She has an unlit cigarette between her fingers.

  Usually there are matches. In the kitchen.

  ASHLEY. Italian?

  ANNA. I’m sorry?

  ASHLEY. You Italian?

  ANNA. Yes. Do you have a match?

  ASHLEY (on ‘match’). That’s right you’ve got those eyes. You see my wife’s Italian – well half-Italian – she’s got those eyes. So whereabouts you from?

  ANNA. Naples.

  ASHLEY. Yeah that’s nice. Naples is nice. Her mother’s from Turin – you know – Fiat. You know Turin at all?

  ANNA. Yes, a little.

  ASHLEY (with Italian accent). Torino, yeah?

  Both faint laugh.

  Know who’s always got a match?

  ANNA. What?

  ASHLEY. A plumber. That’s what you need. For that cigarette. Is a plumber.

  While ANNA absorbs this, ASHLEY takes out a wallet and shows it to her.

  Look: that’s Anna.

  ANNA. Anna.

  ASHLEY. That’s right. Anna’s my wife. Then that’s Lisa, Timothy and Rachel. Three, eighteen months, two months. Handful, yeah.

  ANNA is not very interested.

  No, that’s alright. Have a look.

  He moves away, leaving ANNA with the pictures, and spreads another sheet.

  Handful, yeah.

  So, what, you studying are you.

  ANNA (giving back the wallet). I’m the nanny.

  ASHLEY. The nanny. Right.

  ,

  So how many’ve they got then?

  ANNA. One.

  ASHLEY. One.

  ANNA. It’s a girl.

  ASHLEY. Well then you’re laughing aren’t you.

  ANNA. Sorry?

  ASHLEY. Just one, you’re laughing.

  ,

  So, what, she goes out to work does she?

  ANNA. Mmm?

  ASHLEY. Mrs Walsum. Goes out to work.

  ANNA. Oh no.

  ASHLEY. No.

  ,

  Right.

  ANNA. She’s very busy though. Always.

  ASHLEY. Right.

  ,

  Anna, my wife, she’d like to, you know, she’d like to go back to work.

  ANNA. Yes?

  ASHLEY (faint laugh). So how old is she?

  ANNA. I don’t know. She says twenty-nine, but I think at least thirty, thirty-one.

  ASHLEY. I mean the kid.

  ANNA. The kid, she’s six months.

  ASHLEY. Six months, well then she sleeps a lot, yeah? I mean I think they do, particularly girls.

  ANNA. I think particularly boys sleep a lot.

  ASHLEY. Yeah? Yeah you may be right.

  ANNA. And you know she wakes up six-thirty in the morning.

  ASHLEY. Yeah? Six-thirty, that’s when I leave the house.

  ANNA is about to go.

  Come here come here, I want to show you something. No it’s alright, I just want to show you something. Look. No no, look at this. (Indicates the ceiling.) Because what your Mr Walsum wants me to do, alright, is hack out that sill, because he’s right, it’s rotten. But if I was him that’s what would worry me. Because what you’re looking at up there is a fractured cornice, and for my money it means the joists of that ceiling are decaying, you with me? Water’s penetrated the brick and the wall-plates are starting to give.

  ,

  Because of course this is a very nice road. It’s very quiet. You’re near the Green. There’s a nice atmosphere. New cars. Trees. But I’ve been in one or two of these houses, and once you get the boards up… (Laughs, shakes his head.) I mean what we’re talking about here is serious timber decay, we’re talking about the structure, you with me?

  ANNA. The structure.

  ASHLEY. That’s right. I mean I live on a railway myself, and it’s nothing special but it’s what I call a proper house. The sills’ve got throats. You know what I mean by a throat? A throat, it’s a groove runs under the sill. It clears the water. These sills, they’ve got no throats. The water can’t get away.

  LIZ appears in the hall doorway.
ANNA conceals her cigarette.

  Of course the kids love the trains. Well it’s stimulation for them, isn’t it.

  LIZ. There won’t be a lot of dust, will there?

  ASHLEY. Shouldn’t be.

  LIZ. It’s just we have a baby.

  ASHLEY. Shouldn’t be, love.

  LIZ. Fine, that’s fine. Anna, do you think you could go and get dressed now.

  ANNA goes.

  It’s quite impossible to get that girl dressed before eleven o’clock. (Faint laugh.)

  ASHLEY. Anna?

  LIZ. Yes, she’s Italian.

  ASHLEY. Yeah, my wife’s Italian.

  LIZ (with indifference). Really? Is she?

  ASHLEY. Well half-Italian. Her mother’s from Turin.

  LIZ (on ‘mother’). Look, I have to go out so I’d better give you this now. (Gives him a cheque folded in half.) Yes, look I’m sorry, I’ve only just realised I don’t have the cash. You don’t mind a cheque, do you.

  ,

  Because obviously you’d rather have the cash obviously, and of course this means going to the bank – so sorry – but somehow this morning things have… Well I’m sure you must have mornings like that.

  ASHLEY. It’s just that we did say…

  LIZ. Look, I know. Well if you’d rather wait.

  ,

  ASHLEY. No no. It’s fine.

  LIZ. Because look, if you’re prepared to wait.

  ASHLEY. It’s not a problem.

  LIZ. Look, I feel awful about this.

  ASHLEY. No. Please. It’s not a problem.

  LIZ (re: the amount). It is right, isn’t it.

  ASHLEY. Sure it is, yeah. (Pockets the cheque without looking at it.)

  LIZ. Well if there’s any problem.

  ,

  ASHLEY. Right.

  LIZ makes to go, turns back.

  LIZ. Will there be a lot of noise?

  ASHLEY. Shouldn’t be.

  LIZ. Only she’s asleep.

  ASHLEY. Well if you could find me something…

  LIZ. How’s that? Well of course, yes, what is it?

  ASHLEY. I mean if you could find me something like a blanket I could wrap it round my hammer.

  LIZ forces a smile.

  Blackout.

  7

  Morning.

  JAMES and CLAIR.

  JAMES (with enthusiasm). It’s beginning to feel like home, isn’t it. Don’t you think that’s a good sign?

  CLAIR. Mr Walsum’s had the sill repaired.

  JAMES. I know he has. Wasn’t that prompt of him. Can I get you lunch?

  CLAIR. I’m sorry?

  JAMES. I wondered if after this you would like lunch somewhere.

  CLAIR. I’ve got sandwiches.

  JAMES. Sandwiches.

  CLAIR. Yes, I’ve got sandwiches in the office.

  ,