Martin Crimp, Plays 3 Read online

  2 Fucked up the arse as a child.

  1 No.

  3 Or in the mouth.

  1 No.

  2 Beaten.

  3 Beaten by his dad breaking a leg off the chair in the kitchen. Beaten with a chair-leg.

  1 No.

  2 What about his own children?

  3 Yes——perhaps they’re sick.

  1 No.

  2 His wife?

  3 His wife what?

  2 Sick?

  1 No.

  2 Is his car unreliable?

  1 No.

  2 What about the milkman?

  3 Yes——is the milkman in his neighbourhood ever late?

  1 No.

  2 Or the postman?

  1 Sometimes.

  Pause.

  3 How does he feel when the postman’s late?

  1 Angry.

  2 So now he’s going to kill the postman.

  3 Typical.

  1 Of course he’s not going to kill the postman. It’s not the postman’s fault——he knows it’s not the postman’s fault——sometimes there are problems sorting the letters——the machine for sorting the letters has broken down, for example, and the letters have to be sorted by hand——or perhaps there are lots of parcels and every parcel means a conversation on the doorstep.

  Pause.

  A conversation on the doorstep——yes?

  4 In the sunshine.

  1 Means a conversation on the doorstep in the sunshine. And sometimes the postman’s boy can’t wake the postman up. ‘Dad, dad’, he says ‘it’s five o’clock’——

  4 ‘Wake up. It’s five o’clock.’

  1 ‘Dad, dad,’ he says, ‘Wake up. It’s five o’clock. I’ve brought you / your tea.’

  4 ‘Time to get up.’

  1 What?

  4 ‘Time / to get up.’

  1 ‘Dad, dad,’ he says, ‘Wake up. It’s five o’clock. Time to get up. I’ve brought you your tea.’ But the postman——don’t help me——but the postman——this is right——I’m right——don’t help me——‘Time to get up. I’ve brought you your tea.’ But the postman——but the postman——but the postman just pushes himself harder against the wall.

  *

  Twelve-Bar Delivery Blues

  Woke up this morning

  Heard my son call

  Turned away from the window

  Turned my face to the wall.

  Daddy daddy, he said to me

  Daddy daddy, I’ve BROUGHT YOU YOUR TEA.

  Son, I told him,

  Your poor daddy’s dead

  There’s another person

  Come to live in his head.

  Son son, your daddy’s not well

  Son son, your DADDY’S A SHELL.

  There’s another person

  Speaking these lies

  There’s another person

  Looking out through my eyes.

  Son son, he’s filing reports

  Son son, he’s PROMPTING MY THOUGHTS.

  My son poured tea

  From the brown china pot

  Said, drink up your tea, dad,

  Drink up while it’s hot.

  Daddy daddy, you’re not sick at all

  Daddy daddy, turn a-WAY FROM THE WALL.

  Hey daddy,

  You’re a liar——and a fake

  Take off those pyjamas

  There’s deliveries to make.

  I lifted my head from my white pillow case

  Threw my hot tea RIGHT IN HIS FACE.

  Hey sonny,

  If there’s one thing I’ve learned

  It’s don’t rub on butter

  When your skin is all burned.

  Son son, I ain’t got no choice

  Son son, i JUST HEAR THIS VOICE

  (Saying … )

  Doo ba ba-doo ba ba – Doo ba ba-doo ba ba –

  Doo ba ba-doo ba ba – Doo ba ba-doo ba ba –

  Doo ba ba-doo ba ba – Doo ba ba-doo ba ba –

  Doo ba ba-doo ba ba – Doo ba ba-doo ba ba –

  Doo ba ba-doo ba ba – Doo ba ba-doo ba ba –

  Doo ba ba-doo ba ba – doo doo doo doo …

  Woke up this morning

  Heard my son call

  Turned away from the window

  Turned my face to the wall.

  Son son, I hear what you say

  But there just ain’t gonna be no deliveries today …

  (No way).

  FEWER EMERGENCIES

  Characters

  Three actors are required

  1, 2 and 3

  Time

  Blank

  Place

  Blank

  / indicates point of overlap in overlapping dialogue

  Written 10 September 2001

  2 And how are things going?

  1 Well things are improving. Things are improving day by day.

  2 What kind of things?

  1 Well, the light. The light is improving day by day.

  2 Getting brighter?

  1 What?

  2 Getting brighter? Getting brighter day by day? Improving day by day? Getting brighter?

  1 What?

  2 Getting brighter? Getting brighter day by day? Improving.

  1 Oh yes. Yes. Improving, yes. Getting brighter, yes.

  2 Good.

  1 Getting so much brighter, yes.

  2 Good. I’m pleased.

  1 I’m happy you’re pleased.

  2 I’m pleased about the light.

  1 I’m pleased about the light too.

  3 We’re all pleased about the light.

  2 Well, yes, of course we are——and are they still boating?

  1 Both of them are still boating.

  3 What? Gliding past?

  1 Both of them are still gliding past when they get the chance, and they get the chance more and more often. More and more often they get the boat out——they set sail——they glide past in the boat.

  3 So things are improving.

  1 They’re improving day by day. Not just the light, but boating too. They get the boat out——they check the supplies——they test the satellite telephone——they leave the estuary——and before you know it they’re out on the ocean——slicing through the waves——travelling further and further afield.

  3 More confidently.

  1 Much more confidently.

  2 How do they look?

  1 Look?

  3 Yes——good question——how do they look?

  1 Well, confident——more confident.

  3 You mean they’re smiling? Or don’t they need to smile?

  2 They don’t need to smile but they’re smiling anyway.

  3 What——in spite of themselves?

  1 They’re smiling——that’s right——in spite of themselves. Or rather——no——correction——they know they’re smiling——but equally they know the kind of smile they’re smiling resembles the kind of smile you smile in spite of yourself.

  3 Say that again.

  1 I can’t say that again, but what I can say is that they still sing that little song.

  2 They don’t.

  1 They do.

  2 They don’t.

  1 They do, they do, they still sing that little song like something you hear in the supermarket.

  3 Or in the DIY superstore, or on the porno film——when the swollen cock on the porno film goes into the swollen cunt.

  2 So things are looking up.

  1 Things are definitely looking up——brighter light——more frequent boating——more confident smile——things are improving day by day——who ever would’ve guessed?

  2 Mmm?

  1 Who ever would’ve guessed? Who ever would’ve thought the two of them could set sail like that towards the world’s rim?

  3 World’s what?

  1 World’s rim. The rim of the world. The edge.

  2 What edge? There is no edge of the world.

  1 Oh yes there is. Oh yes there is an edge of the world.
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  2 Well, we won’t argue.

  1 We won’t argue because there is an edge of the world——it’s as simple as that. There’s a rim like the rim of a plate, and past the rim is——what?

  3 We don’t know.

  1 We don’t know——it’s as simple as that——we don’t know what’s past the / rim of the world.

  2 So how are things looking when they leave the house?

  1 Things are looking great. Things are improving. The whole neighbourhood is improving. The trees are more established, they’ve kicked out the Mexicans, they’ve kicked out the Serbs, people are finally cleaning up their own dog-mess, nice families are moving in.

  2 Italians and Greeks?

  3 Greeks, Italians, nice Chinese.

  1 Nice Somalis, nice Chinese, really nice Kurds, really nice families who clean up their own dog-mess and hoover the insides of their cars. And what’s more they’ve identified the gene——no——correction——they’ve identified the sequence——that’s right——of genes that make people leave burnt mattresses outside their homes and strangled their babies.

  2 Oh?

  1 Yes——strangled their babies and installed better street lighting. Things are looking up. It’s taken time of course. They’ve aged. Their hair’s gone grey. But it doesn’t stop them being desirable——far from it.

  3 It doesn’t stop them being desirable——it doesn’t stop them boating——it doesn’t stop them heading, like now, for the rim of the world——far from it——or installing cupboards——

  2 Far from it.

  1 Far from it. It doesn’t stop them installing cupboards for Bobby at the top of the spiral stairs——

  3 Cupboards of precious wood.

  1 Cupboards——that’s right——of precious wood installed by joiners for all of Bobby’s things——all the things Bobby will need in life for pleasure and for emergencies.

  2 Candles?

  1 Well naturally there are candles, boxes of matches, fresh figs, generators and barrels of oil. But there’s also a shelf full of oak trees, and another where pine forests border a mountain lake. If you press a concealed knob a secret drawer pops open——inside is the island of Manhattan. And if you pull the drawers out, spilling the bone-handled knives and chickens onto the floor, spilling out the chain-saws and the harpsichords, there at the back, in the dark space at the back, is the city of Paris with a cloth over it to keep the dust out. There’s a wardrobe full of uranium and another full of cobalt. Bobby’s suits are hanging over a Japanese golf course. His shoes share boxes with cooked prawns. On one little shelf there’s a row of universities——good ones——separated by restaurants where chefs are using the deep-fryers to melt gold and cast it into souvenir life-sized Parthenons. And hanging from the shelf, like the Beethoven quartets and fertility clinics, is the key, the key to use in emergencies, the key to get out of the house.

  3 You mean he’s locked in?

  1 Well of course Jimmy’s locked in——he’s always locked in——he’s locked in for his own protection.

  2 Bobby.

  1 What?

  2 Bobby——not Jimmy——Bobby is locked in for his own protection.

  1 I said Bobby.

  2 You said Jimmy.

  1 You think I don’t know what I said?

  2 Well we won’t argue.

  1 We won’t argue because what I said was / Bobby.

  3 What emergencies?

  1 Oh, didn’t I tell you?

  3 What emergencies?

  1 Oh, didn’t I tell you? Because there’s an emergency on right now. Rocks are being thrown——shots fired——that kind of stuff.

  3 What? Cars are being overturned?

  1 Cars are being——exactly——overturned and burnt.

  2 Surely not Bobby’s car?

  1 Of course not Bobby’s car——Bobby’s not old enough to drive——but Bobby’s neighbours’ cars, Bobby’s friends’ cars, Bobby’s parents’ cars——yes——of course——are being first turned on their sides, then completely overturned, and burnt.

  2 I thought things were improving.

  1 Things are improving——less rocks are thrown——less cars completely overturned——less shots fired——there are fewer emergencies than there used to be——but all the same, there’s an emergency on right now. It’s on right now. And I’m sorry to say that one of those shots came through the kitchen window and caught poor Bobby in the hip.

  2 Oh?

  1 Yes——I’m afraid so——it caught poor Bobby in the hip which is why instead of running up those stairs, he’s——what?

  3 He’s crawling?

  1 He’s crawling——that’s right——that’s good——up the spiral stairs. Using his arms mainly.

  2 He wants to reach the key.

  1 He wants to open the door.

  2 He must be mad.

  3 Open the door? He must be / completely mad.

  1 Ah yes——but you have to know what’s going on in Bobby’s mind. In Bobby’s mind, if he opens the door, if he lets people in, if he takes them up the stairs, shows them the cupboards of precious wood, the fresh figs, the knives and the uranium——if he lifts a corner of the cloth and gives them a glimpse of Paris——if he shows them the swollen cock going into the swollen cunt and lets them pick a restaurant or a string quartet——if, after a swim in the mountain lake, he lets them take home a human egg——then what?——they’ll what?——they’ll … Yes?

  3 Love him.

  2 They’ll love him

  1 Then they’ll always love him.

  Pause.

  Exactly.

  3 Ship to shore.

  1 What?

  3 Ship to shore. They’re calling him from the boat. They’re calling him from the rim of the world on the satellite telephone. ‘Bobby? Are you there?’

  2 He’s not answering.

  1 Well of course he’s not answering. He’s pulling himself up the spiral stairs. He wants to get / to the key.

  3 ‘Pick up the phone, Bobby.’

  1 He’s got the hang of it now: pull with the arms——let the legs drag——concentrate.

  2 So things are looking up.

  3 Things are definitely looking up——more efficient use of his arms——more understanding of the geometry of the stairs——improved / concentration.

  1 Brighter light——more frequent boating——more confident smile——fewer / emergencies.

  2 It doesn’t worry them then?

  1 What?

  2 It doesn’t worry them that Bobby’s not answering.

  1 Of course it worries them——that’s why they smile——that’s why they sing that little song.

  2 They don’t.

  1 They do.

  2 They don’t.

  1 They do, they do——they push their grey hair out of their bright grey eyes and sing that little song.

  3 (sings – very soft and relaxed scat-singing)

  Doo doo-ba-dee doo doo doo ba-doo …

  Ba doo-ba-dee doo, ba doo-ba dee doo …

  Say ten seconds of this. Then slight pause. Then the others join in in unison, singing longer and more intense phrases. The lights begin a slow fade, reaching black where indicated.

  1, 2, 3

  Doo doo-ba-dee doo doo doo ba-doo …

  Ba doo-ba-dee doo, ba doo-ba dee doo …

  Ba doo-ba doo doo doo-ba doo-ba dee doo …

  Maybe twenty-five seconds of this. Then pause. Lights still fading.

  3 And Bobby?

  1 Mmm?

  3 And Bobby?

  1 What he’s losing in blood he’s gaining in confidence. Light’s flaring through the windows——flames——it’s getting brighter——he can see the key——

  Black.

  2 Things are improving.

  1 Things are improving. He’s further up the stairs. He’s closer to the key. See how it spins——no——correction——swings——see how / it swings.

  2 See how the key swings.

 
; 3 That’s right, Bobby-boy. Watch the key. Watch the key swinging.

  THE CITY

  Everything we do, in art and life,

  is the imperfect copy of what we intended

  Fernando Pessoa

  The Book of Disquiet

  The City was first performed at the Schaubühne, Berlin, on 21 March 2008, in a German-language production. The cast was as follows:

  Chris Jörg Hartmann

  Clair Bettina Hoppe

  Jenny Lea Draeger

  Girl Helena Siegmund-Schultze

  Director Thomas Ostermeier

  Designer Jan Pappelbaum

  Lighting Erich Sneider

  Translator Marius von Mayenburg

  The City had its English-language premiere at the Royal Court Jerwood Theatre Downstairs, London, on 24 April 2008. The cast was as follows:

  Chris Benedict Cumberbatch

  Clair Hattie Morahan

  Jenny Amanda Hale

  Girl Matilda Castrey/Ruby Douglas

  Director Katie Mitchell

  Designer Vicki Mortimer

  Lighting Paule Constable

  Sound Gareth Fry

  Sound Associate Sean Ephgrave

  Assistant Director Lyndsey Turner

  Casting Director Amy Ball

  Production Manager Paul Handley

  Costume Supervisor Iona Kenrick

  Characters

  Clair

  Christopher

  both heading for forty

  Jenny

  heading for thirty

  Girl

  a small girl of what? nine or ten?

  Time

  Blank

  Place

  Blank

  Scene I

  Clair holds a flat object in a plain paper bag.

  After a while Chris comes on. He’s wearing a suit, carries a case, has a security pass hanging from his neck.